I am not very good at words, but can say that I undersand your feelings. I too was molested by my father, a raging alcoholic. I had my hiding places where I would go when he came home from work (under the bed, under the house, hidden in the closet) but he always found me. I am a little boy stuck inside a man's body and I don't think that will ever change. For every older man I meet, my first desire is to please him sexually. I can go on and on, or try to analyze the situation, but in the end, the fact still remains - attraction to older men. For me, this is something that I need to control because it has gotten me into trouble many times.