1; How did your partner tell you of his CSA?
Oh, after a 3 year marriage in which I finally had to leave because of his increasingly erratic behavior which became scary. I've known this man for 9 years and never thought I would be afraid of him. He finally told me one night after I had left and he just broke down crying.
2; Did you suspect there was something wrong?
Yes, I suspected something was wrong from the honeymoon on. There was such sexual dysfunction that I asked him several times during our marriage if he had been sexually abused. He always told me no. There were also bouts of rage, punching out walls and throwing things onto the floor. I had NEVER seen nor imagined he could ever be like that before I married him. And we knew each other for 6 years before we married. We also were old-fashioned in deciding to wait until we were married for intimacy to occur. There were issues on our honeymoon night....
3; Did he immediately start a program of recovery?
No. I wish he would. When he disclosed, he told me the abuse was why he never had any relationships and always just stayed home living with his father. He also told me that's why he had trouble making love to me. Now, he says that the abuse "wasn't that aggressive" so it didn't have a big impact on him.
Well, if you can't make love to your wife and want to and you couldn't have any relationships because of this, I think it's a big deal!