I thought about posting this in F&F, but......it seemed apparent I'd be doing with them exactly what I do with my wife. It comes out both verbally and nonverbally like "I'm scared of this and that......would you protect me, guide me, show me the SAFEST route?"

My short history: No father, abused by male sib, sought Mom's attention but she's a dusk to dawn alcoholic, and old traumas of toddler age have surfaced too. That's my short story.

I'm feeling ashamed of writing this. I've carried the lie that men didn't have needs, so posting this borders on feeling incompetent, powerless, unmasculine, and.....possibly fruitless.

I'm writing this because.......I've been out of my own home since July. I'd done DIY self-help techniques to handle emotional pain, but I haven't touched the root. I had hoped finding the root would help me........but I didn't find it. I sincerely hoped I'D GET BETTER SO SHE WOULD WANT ME.


Then she got in recovery. I've been in in my whole marriage and many years before, but she suddenly discovered she was MAD!!! So.........................

In all her sound thinking, she said she wanted a divorce after the new year. I DON'T WANT THIS.

She can't fix me, but leaving will bring on more pain than she has imagination for. For me, for our 7 year old daughter, for her.

Her history: alcoholic dad who was divorced by her mom, very codependent mom who married another man she blatantly DISRESPECTS
. She moved in with a guy in her teens who sexually abused her up until she left.

I feel powerless. I used to read all the marriage books. Not her. Relationship books abound in my house. She just separated, with my passive permission, and now she wants out.

This hurts. It also hurts bad enough I'm not sure I'll return to post about this again. (I OFTEN DO THAT........anyone else do that?) I do receive replies in my email since it's a Watched Topic, I read them and think about them.


Alfred