Jaap,

I say... sit with it. A coping mechanism smoking is, a way to separate ourselves from the chore of recovery, and the trauma of the abuse. We work so hard to overcome the abuse memories and triggers, we overdo it, and we need a break. Right now, the work is overwhelming, and you cannot find a limitation before the need to light up. So be it.

These things we do to refresh us after we loath ourselves, these are needed until we can be aware of the crash, and bring comfort to us before the mechanism.

When the time is right, you will know it. Until then, yep, it is bad for you, it will kill you and if you keep doing it, 10,000 baby seals will die horrible deaths.., if you were not using this mechanism, you may be non functional, angry or shutdown, and those aren't good for you either.

Peace Jaap, you know what you are doing, and you are on the right path and making fine progress, keep up the good work,
Sam

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MaleSurvivor Moderator Emeritus 2012 - 2014