I was just ranting i guess. Part of the reason things bug me is that i believe through imperfection you can lead a life that is BETTER than perfect. The pain of believing in something is sometimes worse than letting it go.

I just lose so much time to sleep and depression, and i guess the loss is just compounded. I have such a hard time finding things i actually feel like i can do. There are a million things i can do each day that i just cant find the will to do it, no matter how hard i try it is like there is an invisable wall.

I try to remember things like how i am keeping my appointments for therapy, and showing up for class. It wouldnt feel so hard if i felt like i had a chance, like the playing field was level. I just dont get why i have to put so much effort out to get so little. Screw it, right? Count the little things, like how i cleaned up my room a little, got all the empty containers out and picked up some papers. Count how today i found my comb and brushed my teeth. Count that i read a book for a little while, that i did something constructive. Today my dental hygein, tommorw the WORLD!!! MWA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA