Tommy,

I didn't have one growing up. Either they couldn't afford it or it wasnt a priority. Oh well, I still have insomnia, so I am glad that you have a good friend to cuddle up with.

2 years ago, when I was going through an 8 month panic attack, I asked my daughter if her daughter had a stuffed animal that she wasnt closely attached to that I could borrow. My AA sponsor, who is also a CSA survivor, suggested it, and so I followed the direction.

Next time I went over to my daughter's home, my grand daughter came up to me with a polar bear animal and said, "This is for you Grampy. He said that he thought you might need a friend." I was so grateful. ( I cant stop blubbering now, amazing how much things like this can be so influential in our lives)

I gave her a big hug and took the bear home. It was amazing how much that bear was a comfort to me for a time. I had a hard time leaving him home when I left for awhile. But I assured him that I would be back and not to worry. And I can't believe that I actually talked to him regularly. At first it felt like I was an escapee from the cuckoo's nest. Glad I was able to go with it.

When my sponsor first suggested it, I was very leary of it, because of my 'manhood' jitters. But, NO, it isn't sissy and it is a good thing and I am glad that you brought it up. It brought back the memory of it that I hadn't thought about in a year and a half.

I no longer need it to be with me in bed, but i do still have it on my dresser. It was the best thing to help during my days of hell. I made it through it and i think that bear helped to a degree.

My totem is a grizzly bear, but my daughter said that they didnt have one, but that my grand daughter quickly found the polar bear and said that it was a cousin. Bless the beasts and the innocence of children. Wow, i cant believe that made me cry, but it was a good and cleansing thing to have a 'good' cry. It is amazing also, that I couldn't bring myself to call the bear an 'it' in this post. It is as though the bear is still a friend and not a thing.

take care man

peace

paul

_________________________
If you cannot control what happens to you, you can control your attitude toward what happens to you, and in that, you will be mastering change rather than allowing it to master you.

~ adapted from: Sri Ram