I have been reading the posts here and I was hoping maybe someone can offer me an opinion.
I have been seeing a man for almost two years now. I had known him from high school and reconnected at a reunion. We are living in different states but I go to see him regularly. I have a child away at school and he has two from a previous marriage. He told me about his childhood sexual abuse early on in our relationship but had only went to therapy for a short time years ago. I am aware of some of his issues and we try to keep the communication open so most of the time we at least try to understand where the other is coming from.
We get together at least once a month for two or three days at a time. It seems to have worked so far because he works a lot and he is more comfortable living alone. I know that he has a hard time identifying emotions. He is very affectionate and tells me often that he loves me. But I feel that we should be more advanced in our relationship...although we are only seeing each other, he has a problem with commitments. We get really close and then he distances for awhile. Lately he has really been sexually charged... I don't know how else to explain it. For the past couple of months whenever he calls me it is to talk about sex. He gets compulsive with wanting pictures of me. Nothing nasty... any pictures, it could be planting flowers... anything. Normally, I think that would be sweet but it is compulsive.. and although he doesn't actually say it, I am sure he'd prefer pictures from when I am at the beach or laying at my pool. I am starting to feel as if he is pulling emotionally away from me. He is keeping his life separate from me. He isn't being rude really. For instance I asked him, what is up with the pictures... why are you asking me everyday for a picture and he told me that he is addicted to them. That he's never had tolerance for drug addicts but now he feels that when he sees me or talks to me, he feels like an addict offered a crack pipe. He is serious. It's not joking around. When I point out that I feel like I am being used, he is pulling away and I am missing my friend. He isn't including me in his life, I found out that his son has something really important going on and he didn't even mention it to me.
I guess my question is, is he somehow putting me in a sex box... disconnecting emotionally from me? I have talked to him about it, I have told him over and over again, I don't feel like were friends anymore... the sex is great, when were intimate in that way... he tells me how much loves me... he wants to marry me... and then after I leave.. unless it's sex or pictures (which I won't give him more) he hasn't anything to say. I asked him if he is loosing feeling for me and he said, no he didn't think so. So then I asked him if he thought he felt lust instead of love. This has got him stuck. He doesn't know. He asked me what I thought the difference is... he's been reading about it on the computer and has told me that he hadn't seen that he was excluding me from his life and he didn't know if it was just lust. Now he said he's lost and all over the place... he doesn't know.
Could I be an acting out tool for him now? After two years? I have offered to go to therapy with him... I asked if he was willing to go himself and he said, NO. He won't go alone or together. What could this be? Anyone have any ideas? This really sucks... all of it. After all this time he isn't sure if he loves me... and I listen to him... I try to understand as much as I can, he says he is confused with emotions and what he's feeling and what it all means.... he can't explain it to himself, it's difficult to explain it to me but I love him and it sucks because now, he's not sure if he loves me or if I am only the equivalent to a girly magazine... this sucks. Help Please!!!