I first posted on this board nearly five years ago and I was a mess. I have come such a long way since then. I recently attended a weekend retreat for male survivors and wrote, and read out, the following poem. It was meant to show the journey I have taken and how far I have come. I hope it may encourage all those still walking the difficult path of recovery that things can be good once again. Love to you all

The man I have become

The man that Iíve become, is strong, gentle and kind
The man that I was once, was hard, hurt, I despised
The man that Iíve become, is loving, loyal with hope
The man that I was once, was so lost and so broke

There was a little boy lost inside this man
Carrying a very big hurt he didnít understand
This little boy cried unheard for years
This big man struggled to contain his tears

The man that I became as I reached out and I was heard
Changed the man that I was once, despairing and hurt
This man that I became as I journeyed down a path
Changed the man that I was once, cowering alone in the dark

There was a little boy lost inside this man
Carrying a very big hurt he didnít understand
This little boy cried unheard for years
This big man struggled to contain his tears

This man that I became as I let go of guilt and of blame
Changed the man that I was once, drowning in shame
This man that I became, through grieving innocence lost
Changed the man that I was once, whoíd paid to high a cost


There was a little boy lost inside this man
Carrying a very big hurt he didnít understand
This little boy cried unheard for years
This big man struggled to contain his tears

This man I became because other stood by my side
Changing the man I was once, who was dying inside
This man I became because fellow survivors inspired
Changing the man I was once, as I truly desired

There was a little boy lost, but now he is found
I gave him very big hugs, and I took his hand
I led this little boy, to a place of warmth and safety
Now this big man protects him, truly at peace

The man I am now is strong, gentle and kind
While the man that I was once, I can barely recognize