I dont have any where. I am angry at myself. One day,. Two days
,. threee. Hmm, Not over. I hate this SHIT! I am soo lonely.
I refuse to be gay. I like women. But i notice I am drawn to
women who are senitive and poite! I hate this. I have no where to go. Seriously. I hate the small stuff! I dont watch t.v.
I am trying to learn English from a different , place. I do not think That I want to be to nice.. when I think about my dad, his dad his mom...and so onnnnnnnnnn. I hate my life. I am glad I am still here. Lately I have been pondering to jump out of an airplane (w/ a parachute, of course). I just masturbated to male
and male porn. I found these two sites , and this other with a guy with a one man show. I am tired. I really am. I hate ,hate
him. Why can't they killl my dad 's brother? Why? I vent in my
head. I am tired of being Judicious. I am not special. I just want to go home. Never feels okay. I have thinking of moving to another city. I need to just cut my thoughts on buying this and that. I am tired. I feel like a woman. or unsure. I dont have a penis. I feel so scared in the shower. I never liked me! I was never to ever think. I nevr knew me. I hate it that i have nowehre to turn. My dad is nervous... really? Yeah.! That he tooo can be wanting to die! " Why do you say these things?"
BEcause they told me. If i ever tell anyone they will find me or kill me and the other scary stuff. See I never had a place to call home. I started to .,, maybe 1974 - the year i was born But
she beat me up.. "Who? " my dad's sister-in-law. I will never call her Auntie. she is sick. I dont use nice words toward my mum.. I mean shit to my dad's sister-in-law. I didnt like her. She kept telling me sick stuff , such ss; you are goin to hell!
You dont like your mom. I could never understand this woman/ devil. I hate my dad's culture, my mother's I dont want to have anything to do with it. But since I feel like my dad took me away
from my mom since i was 6 months old,,, I dont want to talk to him. He , I dont know what is wrong with him. My dad's mother would always do these sick things to. Listen to your cousins they know more than you. I always grew inferior of these two. My brother no longer cared about me...I never was hannging out at my brother or dad's place. I just learned to go over to my dad's brother's place where they drexsed me as a girl , put nail polish on me and I would undress for them k, to entertain my dad's mom. IKK! Yukki. I have no friends because of this. I grew up confused about my sexuality. Not knowing " Are you a girl or a boy "my dad's sister-in-lawy would have alot of fun. I couldn't do anything ,, I could feel my dad... doing it right now.. but it isn'thim it is her,,her dad...my cousin ..and he teels me to not move.. OR ELSE! I wait till he is inside me.. I am scared Iand wheewe now it is today and I havenot grown.. 36 years old and not touching myself means i must not be a man. Who am I or what am i? I hated looking in the mirror all the way ,,only til recently i dont want to hang out .. I dont know what to tell people. I dont want to scare anyone.. Where do I go?
I want dont to feel bii her next to me! I loathe her and her dad. I feel I have been tricked and poisoned to thinkn i have to listen to her and her pedophole dad..over and over inmy fucking head. When does it go , away? One more day.. please tell me it will be only one more day. I want to be a BOY!, AND GROW INTO A MAN A GOOD,NICE MAN! THANKS JAMES, anytime.