Every day you see men struggle to overcome past abuse and let it get better. Some days people make small steps, some big ones. Likewise we have seen brothers crash under the burden.
It's hard to understand why some people are able to manage through the trauma and others can not. I tend to look around my world and see other examples and look for some inspiration why it has to get better.
Some of you know that my oldest son has a close friend he has supported for years recovering from his own childhood trauma. Danny and Evan were elementary school classmates and little league team mates the year Evan's dad died at the World Trade Center on 9-11. His remains were never located. The boys were 9 years old that fall.
Evan asked that Danny and other friends come to his father's memorial service. Danny did not want to go. He asked me what to do and I just told him that if he is your friend, be there for him. We all ended up going and I can remember Evan walking in through that packed Chapel and running right into Danny. The look between them said it all.
Evan has always been part of what my middle kid calls "Danny's Crew". Unlike a lot of us my oldest kid is a real pack dog and feels most comfortable in a crowd. That crew has always circled around Evan not in pity, but because he simply is their friend. Like some of us here, Evan is very stoic about his trauma. He and his friends never talk about 9-11, his family has always avoided the public 9-11 events. His most noticeable trait is his constant big toothy grin.
In his mid teens Evan aggressively isolated from his crew. He refused any social contact. I can recall Danny and part of their group sitting at our kitchen table asking for advice what to do. Best I could offer was to be supportive, continue to include Evan in the invites, but respect his wishes. As randomly as he isolated Evan re-engaged with his clique during senior year of High School, his smile still in place. I truly don't know what recovery steps Evan took to get back on track but when I saw him over Xmas break I found he's having a great Freshman year at Loyola and seems happy with life.
Every day I live and deal with my own crap like everyone here does. But I know it can get better when I watch a young man like Evan prevail.
Guys I refuse to believe it does not get better. Look around you and you will find your own Evan who can show you that in fact it does.
Edited by kb8715 (02/15/11 03:34 PM)
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.