I hear you Brother,
I was also raised in a southern baptist / evangelical christian family. My mom remarried when I was 5 to a traveling evangelist preacher.
He retired his preaching but was still fervently involved in southern baptist. It was traumatizing to me as well. Not only did I have questions about what was going on with the abuse, but couldn't ask, and assumed it was normal - but I had serious questions about what the Bible was saying and how I saw reality. For a while there, I simply denied reality and decided to follow Jesus Christ and started carrying my bible to school. I came damn close to being one of those kids standing on the street corner preaching.
But puberty hit me. And it was like God was cursing me. I'd done everything right and here I was living this miserable life, and whammo, puberty confirms a growing suspicion . I'm gay. I was so angry for so long about that.
Acceptance is hard, but achievable. For me it meant exploring my sexuality, exploring my feelings, meeting other gay guys and talking to them about my issues and listening to them about theirs. I soon realized that I was normal, and it was society that has to do some growing up.
We gay folk have the added bonus of being privy to a little known secret - that the world *IS* changing, and is heading in OUR direction. We're just ahead of the curve.
Your mentioning finding Spirituality is awesome. I also think that's an integral part of recovery. After becoming an athiest, I refound my "higher power" last year, and am satisfied with my relationship to it thus far.
Glad to meet you as we both boldly go forward.
Edited by tdillon (01/18/11 05:59 PM)
It's a heroes journey, and you are the hero.
Loving Kindness Meditation will dramatically improve your spirits; give it a try for just 3 days: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sz7cpV7ERsM