I have been reading here and well here is a little bit about myself. I have written a book and is being edited and since have went through the tharapy discovered that have pstd. I am also comming to grips with the fact that I am gay. I am going to tell my story and yes there maybe Triggers. The first thing was my father would be yelling and saying things like your stupid,dumb,slow,cry baby,fat,lazy and sissy.Then as got older he would use the other words like dumbass,and all the other chioce words enough about that. I also got my share of spankings on the bare ass even when wasn't my fault. My Dad was married 5 times and my Birth Mom deied when I was 8 her second husband shot her. When was nine Dads friend is baby sitting my sister and brother and me. this guy has always seemed nice. Then after we are all in bed and sleeping he comes into my room and sits on the bed. Billy are you asleep and I say no and he asks you trust me don't you? I have no reason not to and the sctg that you do what ever the adult ask of you.He then starts rubbing my shoulders and my back and then he takes off my p.j. top. I still trust feels good starts rubbing my tummy then he ask if he can remove my bottoms to massage my legs. I say yes have underware on so no big deal right. He rubs my legs and moves to iner legs and starts to fondle me. I just freeze no one has ever done this to me and he says relax it's okay. I am going to remove your underware won't hurt you. I can't swallow he takes them off lays me on my back and massages me and then starts masterbating me. I am not even looking at him my eyes are closed and then feel this warm wet feeling. I look and he has my dic inside his mouth this is wrong but does feel good. I now am erect naked and he carries me on his shoulders stands me infront of the mirror on the back of the bathroom door. Billy you are so beautiful I close my eyes ashamed of my naked erect body. He makes me look at myself yuk hate myself. Why are you afraid your such a nice boy. He keeps sucking on my dic but I close my eyes and seems like long time but he finally takes me back to my room and puts my p.j's back on and tucks me in with a kiss on the cheek. I wake the next morning must have been a dream but as I look at my red dic and feel the burning know it was real.more to follow thanks