Touch for me is a very confusing act -- and causes me to have ambivilant emotions.

If I am the instigator of touching -- it is OK - the feeling is good. But sometimes, if it is initiated by someone else (even my wife) - I am uncomfortable - even so much as to draw away emotionally and physically. Even simple acts such as holding hands can be a challenge for me.

In addition, I never remember my dad ever holding me or hugging me ------- much less kiss me. It is something I can now see had an impact on how I relate to touching. So thinking about masculine touch --- which society definitely has some weird rules and concepts about -- I am still just learning that safe masculine touch is OK and is not necessarily a come-on to have sex. I now make myself be a part of men's groups --- men's prayer huddles --- even make myself go to a men's retreat that church has twice a year (these things really take work for me).