It has been now eleven years since the arrack.I am not going to use the "r" word because i cannot face it. I am still in denial. I have built wall after wall to protect what is left and now no one can get in and i cannot get out.

I look in the mirror and i do not recognise who is looking back. I am consumed with anger and hate. I hate myself.I use solvents to escape the world but come roud back into the world.

I am no good at expressing myself on an emotional level and find it difficult to respond emotionally to other people, be it sad or whatever. I dont know what else to say

I am no longer a man.. that all died yearsago.

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you dont see me. i am not really here. Its my fault.. all of it. I am to blame and no one else.