I have always struggled with the term survivor. It has never traveled off my tongue easily. In the past year I have become more comfortable with it.
One of the things my last therapist showed me was that the word victim was not a horrible term. He had me look at myself at the age of my assault and kept asking me if a young man knew everything as I seemed to expect him to. He taught me that before I could really accept being a survivor I needed to look at myself as a victim. And then things began to fall into place to accept the survivor title.
Today I look at myself as a victim/survivor. I was a victim of that night and always will be. It is part of my letting go of all the blame I heaped on myeslf. If I forget that I am apt to take the blame back on myself. I am also a survivor in every day attempting to build my life into the one I want. In going beyond what was done to me that night. I will acknowledge I was a victim and hope to live like a survivor.
I think I can be both.
Edited by prisonerID (08/30/10 05:04 PM)
Edit Reason: spelling
Broad statements often miss their true mark.