I am still stirring from last night's tangle with my wife. I went to see The Last Air Bender with my wife and daughter, the movie refreshed a lot of masculine images, and after the movie I created/continued an ongoing struggle for my wife to validate me as a man. Is this normal with many of you?
I would have continued this in my other posting ("unfinished business") but I emailed my wife the link as an explanation of what I was feeling last night. Was I motivated by guilt? In part. The truth is I'm still wanting her approval, her agreement, her SUPPORT, her understanding. It may be a long shot; I don't know. I don't know what she's capable of for our relationship. I am pissed at her for not being a communicative partner to me right now. She's a waste! F**K!!!
I was bathing this morning (she had gone to work), and I was allowing old feelings to surface. I am just so pissed she won't/can't join me, support me, or encourage me. She's a LOSER in my opinion for being so unavailable.
I am also lonely with this right now.
I'd appreciate any guidance on where/who/how to post this issue in the future. Most of my present conflicts are with her; however, I don't know if it is conflicting with this forum's intent. I stay away from the F&F forum, as I feel it's their safe place. Where/who do you bitch to? I have a counselor from a church, but I don't want to be invalidated by him,, as he's only helping us using a book we bought, and is not a licensed or trained professional. HIS common sense doesn't always apply to my rants, and I feel I need something more appropriate for my issue. Also, I don't often visit chat here because I feel the main use of the room is to allow the guys to just relax in their down time. I already do Wednesday's HC, but...that's once a week. (And I am not alive only one day a week)
Sidenote: I have read "Wild at Heart" by John Eldridge recently, and I am presently reading his sequel "The Way of the Wild Heart". In it he repeats that only men (and GOD) can know, guide, and validate a man and his needs. This is why I'm still here with this today.