I still believe in God. What has really helped me is to remember that I John says that God IS love and that John 3:16 says the "God so LOVED the world, that he GAVE his Son..." I realized that God loves me for who I am, not because I earned it or needed to do something, but because he loves all of us unconditionally! It is that unconditional love that I have been looking for all my life.
I was raised fundamentalist in a Baptist church. My dad and mom were my abusers and my Dad was a deacon in the church, so that has given me a real disgust for hyprocrisy!
Shortly before getting married I left fundamentalism and my future bride left it to. For most our married life we have been Lutheran, but that recently hasn't been doing the trick. I didn't feel like I could be authentic at church. I felt like I had to put on a happy face and I wasn't really sure if I would be accepted if people there knew about the abuse.
Recently I have been attending an Orthodox church, which is way different than either Catholicism or Prodestantism. The first time I attended the priest's wife, who knew about my abuse, told me that the church is a hospital. That is something I totally believe. I feel very supported at this church but I am taking things very slow. Just enjoying the services and the lunch they have every Sunday after the service. Orthodoxism aligns much more closely theologically with where I have been headed for a long time, but I don't agree with all of the doctrine.
My faith in God as always been there and has sustained me through many difficult times. I believe that in His love for us God gave us freedom of choice, and sometimes people make horrible choices, like abusing others, but God is not responsible for those choices, the abusers are!
A little bit of nonsense (or play) now and then is relished by the wisest men!
WoR Kempenfelt July 2010, Sequoia March 2011