I have to say this to you: Wow! I really applaud you for your bravery to be so honest! Your abuse was awful - I'm so sorry it happened to you - but acknowledging an incest fetish and having the courage to admit it to us...is one of the bravest gestures I think I've ever seen. Thank you for being so honest about so personal a problem, buddy.
You (and the others on here who have been equally brave and honest) have inspired me to share a fantasy I've had for a long time. It's not sexual, but your post does remind me of it. I've actually found that one other person on this website has had this same fantasy as well, so maybe it's not uncommon.
I have a fantasy where a big, strong, fatherly kind of man comes up behind me and puts his big, strong arms around me (around my chest) and just...holds me. Like a long hug. Nothing sexual about it. Sometimes I fantasize that he is sitting in a large chair, and I sit down on his lap, and he puts his strong arms around me and holds me until I fall asleep. I also sometimes fantasize that I'm not wearing a shirt, and he is not wearing a shirt, so I can feel the warmth of his chest against my back. I feel warm, safe, and loved all at the same time. It's a good fantasy for me; feels good, I mean.
Of course, I wouldn't be able to walk up to a man in the street and ask him to do this for me - unless I wanted a good beating. I can't ask any of my friends to do this, because I would feel awkward. And I actually had a father growing up - still do - but he was never around for me emotionally. Hence my fantasy, no doubt. So I can't ask him to do this for me, either. I'm hoping, at some point, I will grow out of it.
I don't know why this was embarrassing for me to write - now that I've written it, it doesn't seem that bad. Anyway, I just wondered if you had had any similar fantasies, PSGuy760. Any nonsexual fantasies. As Lewis said, maybe you are trying to reconnect to your father. If you have had any nonsexual fantasies about your father as well, maybe that's a good indication that you just want to be loved as a good son. I can certainly understand that.
I hope you find some answers. Again, thank you for your honesty, buddy. As you can see from your responses, you've started a topic that many men would like to discuss.
You don't have to be perfect to be wonderful.