i'd like to praise you for posting this. i'm sure it is not easy to discuss. since you called this a fetish i am going to go with that and from a very different p.o.v., i do wonder how much a fetish can limit one's ability or availability to have an ltr.
what does your therapist say about this? are you in love with an older man or is the real attraction the connection you seek? what about him - is he in love with you?
have you had a relationship with a guy your age?