Maybe I am experiencing survivor guilt, but one thing I wonder is why did I live through it. During the initial rape I screamed/cried. My abuser put his hand over my mouth and other hand around my throat, I was pretty much passing out when he finished and let go. It had nothing to do with a decision not to kill me. He watched me for a moment as if to see if I would breath, then kicked me and told me to get my ass in the truck. At another point, he forced me into oral sex and literally choked me with it while pleasuring himself, again only stopping when he had satisfied himself. He played russian roulette with my brother and had me do the same with another kid (gun actually went off but I missed). Not to mention he actually killed animals in front of me, including pets, and had me participate. All of which leads me to wonder why I didn't die.
His general demeanor during the ordeal leads me to believe he probably had killed a boy if not before me, then since. Essentially, the kidnapper was my uncle (father's brother). It ended when my mother came and took us back (no small task, she literally had to escape with a ten and an eight yo boy). The sheriff, although he made sure we got out of the county, did nothing to my uncle. I think he saw it as a "domestic situation". (BTW, anyone who thinks a relative kidnapping is somehow less damaging should do some research) Has anyone else survived a kidnapping? If so, how were you rescued? How did you cope? Did you cooperate or fight tooth and nail? How did you cope when returning to you home?
Edited by ModTeam (01/15/10 12:29 PM)
Edit Reason: Add Trigger Warning
God grant me
The Serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The Courage to change the things I can,
And the Wisdom to know the difference.