Even before my CSA, I had not bonded with my parents or feel connected to them.

I was a disconnected child.

We did not celebrate birthdays in our family. Even today I could not tell you any birthdays of my brothers, sister or my parents. It’s strange there are no baby pictures of me. The brothers older than me and those younger than me all have baby pictures, but not me. It’s like I was the invisible middle child. I was able to mask these feelings of emptiness with a huge assortment of pets and animals on our farm. I had all kind of pets: chickens, ducks, geese, rabbits, horses, calves, pigeons, turtles, pigs, and a dog.

I am a disconnected adult.

It was people I had a hard time dealing with and relating to in a
healthy way. Even today I find it very hard to relate and connect to my wife on a very personal intimate level. She is always telling me she doesn’t feel loved or appreciated even after 35 years of marriage. I know I isolate myself, my emotions, and my feelings. It is so hard for me to connect to her or anyone else. Perhaps I have kept too many secrets for too many years….anyone else feel disconnected?

Happy Trails, Ted

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When you change the way you look at things the things you look at change.