It has bee about 43 years now that I have carried around the baggage of being molested. I have two wonderful daughters but divorced after 17yrs of marriage.
My wife tried to deal with my sexual problems throughout our marriage but it took a toll. We both had our problems but I thank her for giving me those years.
While going to marriage counseling things started surfacing for me. I remember
little about being molested at a very early age, around 3-5 but have snapshots in my mind. I was also molested at the age of 16 by a member of the clergy. After a night of partying with my girlfiends family I found him in my bed all over me, don't know how long it was going on for but I pushed him away. My chilhood was good but I always had this issue with sexual gender never knowing which road to go down. Masterbation was a huge issue
I was constantly doing it, I had attraction to both boys and girls. I always wanted to be someone else, to get out of my body never satisfied. I never longed for a relationship with woman, I had one steady girlfriend at 16-17 but that was it until I met my wife at 28. Three days ago I went to Virtus training from the Church for so i can attend school activities. Virtus is awarness about sexual molestation. This triggered a wave of emotions I thought I had to leave. I said to my self it would be like your whole life so far if I left. I stayed and was compemented by the instructor when I was leaving on how informational I was and educated on the subject. I smiled and left knowing I really needed help. I am going to talk to my family and a therapist about my past. Maybe a family member can shed some light on my early chilhood? All those things that came up in the video at the traing were true about me, my childhood was robbed and I am not ok and want answers and help..................
"start liking yourself first and the healing will come"