Taking the drugs, sucks. I had a 1 month prophylactic course and during that time I gained a healthy respect for friends that are on them.
Please fight, it's hard, but you really are worth it.
I wish I had the words to say what I'm feeling and wishing for you, just know that you will be in my thoughts.
The drugs will help keep you alive. Were there is life, there is hope (and all the other cliches.
A friend of mine died a couple of months ago, from AIDS. He moved home to Portland to die 8 years ago, but he didn't. Instead he found a new life and love for the first time. He got well enough to work for 6 of those 8 years and made many peoples lives better. I miss him greatly, Cully (this is the first time I've said his name since he dies) was an amazing man.
I hope that you understand that people that have never met you care.
"No price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself" - Nietzsche