My best friend, he really was the best. He was also the only person I have ever told about my childhood.
Here's the story, I took the opportunity to move away for 3 months to do some summer work experience in another state. This was kind of a big deal to me because I've never been away from my family or friends for more than a couple of days at a time. Especially my best friend, we saw each other daily and spoke on the phone or by text practically every couple hours. We were very close.
When I was given this opportunity, I didn't tell anyone that I was going away until the very last minute. I felt guilty about it but I knew I needed my own space and that it would do me good to get away. The reason I kept this so quiet was because I was doubting whether I would actually go through with it, and I thought that all my family and friends would tell me "we'll really miss you" etc. would make it harder for me. Especially if I told everyone then had to dwell on it for weeks until I was leaving. So I waited, then told people a few days before I left. My friend was shocked when I told him, mostly shocked that I had kept it to myself for so long and not told him, because I told him everything in my life. I think I really hurt his feelings. The whole time I was away, we spoke maybe 3 or 4 times, and they were very brief e-mail messages.
Since i've came home, he hasn't spoken to me at all. It's been 7 weeks that I've been back. I told him that I was back and his only response was pretty much "oh, ok". He hasn't made any effort to contact me. I'm so hurt by the fact that the only support and the only person who has ever been there for me all this time is now gone. I feel totally lost.
It's been such a long 7 weeks. Everything is totally different and I have no sense of where I am any more. He had been there for me so much and now that I'm alone, i'm just not dealing with this very well at all. I'm self-injuring again because I feel like i've let my friend down and that I deserve to be punished.
What should I do? Should I try and get back in touch with him? What would I say? I want to go back to how we were before I left. So much. But I'm so afraid that he might reject me, he might put some final closure on our friendship which i'm frightened might make me feel even worse.
Thanks for reading all that.