Had therapy everyday this week, she thinks I need it. I cant say much to her yet but I write. She tries to talk to me about what I write but I can't yet. This is in response to questions she was asking.
Standing on the porch, tears running down my face I watched my parents drive off. I knew I was gonna get beat for the tears..here an when I got back home but I couldn't help myself. I guess at 5/6 yrs old its hard to control I dunno. I didn't want to be there. Being there hurt too much. It was scary. I was alone this time, my siblings werent with me. Dad told me I needed spacial training before school started. I had to learn to play the game and keep our world safe. I didnt like the trainer. Some of them made me feel safe but not him. He beat me for crying asid I should never show weakness. said it was his job to make me tough. dont remember many specifics about what he did. I know it was in the basement. I hated that room. the crate was in there. it was dark. i was cold and wet and bloody. no clothes. dont know how long though. i heard others but didnt see nobody but him. the music and verses played loud all the time. was impossible to move in that thing just curled up in a little ball. i wanted my dad even though he left me there. i knew i could be a good boy and do whatever he wanted. i didnt need to be trained. i would never say anything to anybody.
very few women were around. the organization..brotherhood was men only. there were women that were um nevermind. then there were a few that were trainers. one was real nice. she would comfort me after the others did stuff to me. she would always help me patch and clean me up and tell me stories. she couldnt make them stop but shed stay with me and talk to me when they did things. i could concentrate on her voice not what they were doing. the other lady was scary. her voice was old and mean. sounded like a witch. she would tell the others what to do sometimes and then watch and laugh as they hurt us. sometimes shed talk to me and tell me things to focus my mind, guide me to a safe place.