about four years ago I was going through my usual routine of on line web sites and hit a story about a guy from the school I attended. I immediatly went into some kind of spell. Just seeing the name hit all kinds of triggers. The news story also included hints to find a link from another survivor of the same school. Although that web site is a bit incomplete i did find a lot more information than i had wanted. I was shaking bad as I read through it. It included a profile of *&^%$#@ and what he had been involved in for nearly 50 years. And it pulled out all kinds of other thoughts. I found a school yearbook which has his picture. And there was no doubt about it. There was the person who kept haunting me in my dreams. And another piece of memory. It had been later in the years at the school when i was sitting in the school snack room and overheard a couple of underclassmen. It was something like this. "The dam *&^ is a pervert. He drugs the guys in the infirmary and then molests them. Somebody should put him away for good." That would have been his fifth year in action. Apparently somebody didn't take the pills and was awake when hye came a prowling. But that was my "Oh shit" Moment, when i said, omg that's what happened to me. But i didn't hold that memory for long. It completely evaporated until i saw the news story so many years later. But it explains a lot of things. Latent hostility, why my grades fell from stellar to shit, fear of relationships, lingering depression, the nightmares, no self worth, and all the rest that you probably know better than i do. One good result though from having the memories in my conscious awareness. I have never had the nightmare again.

Kerberos