Michael...

Every minute you are able to fight against an impulse, every day you are able to go on is a victory against your abuser.

I can totally understand the mixed feelings regarding love and blame. I asked my sister for my abuse, ultimately, and when she stopped, I didn't want to stop. I loved her and if she loved me, why would she stop showing it? But, you see, she was older and IN CHARGE OF ME, I was her responsibility. She knew it was wrong, and to aleviate her own guilt, she manipulated the situation so I would seem at least at guilty as she was.

Even as I write, I start to fall back into language that seems like it almost shares the guilt.

I hope you can see in my case, as I can in yours, that the perp is the problem, and the perp USED the guise of love to satisfy their own manipulative, thoughtless acts of torture.

_________________________
And let the darkness fear our light.