We did have a discussion a while back about partners posting on the male forums, but this one adds a lot to the subject and my opinion is it should stay.
I asked mysef BEFORE I had any contact what exactly was I feeling. By doing so giving a NAME to the feelings I was able to sort for myself what was true sexual desire & what was re-enactment or other. I wrote on paper so I could SEE physically in writing what I was feeling.
I took slow steps by sharing with my partner and myself by Voicing WHAT was a definet trigger for me, for example no ‘french kissing’, sharing the exact details of my SA helped to identify what felt “ickey” so WE could not do those same acts.
Now we ASK each other “Are you still WITH ME?” if we see a look of disassociation on each others face. (Yea it some times got us giggling or p.o’d ) then if one was or is unable to BE IN the act itself we trust (this is huge) the other to NOT allow the activity to continue until grounded again.
Painstakingly, little by little with slips and falls and great strides forward , for MYSELF I was
able to get to a place of happiness, joy & tremendous intimacy and a feeling of healthy sexual
I think this is so good, and you're both so brave to even try it.
I promise I will try this as well, because I know how much my sex life is still dominated by the disassociation I feel when we do make love.
I find it impossible to connect intimately even after 27 years of marriage ( I hope it's not BECAUSE OF ?? )
And what happens then ? down I go into a nose dive of depressive guilt. Although it's not the only reason I take a dive - today I've struggled, really bad day today.
Unsuccesful sex, unsuccesful christmas shopping trip, my wifes car broke down on Saturday( a $500 clutch to add to my 4x4 needing $800 wortyh of tyres ! ) and a pile of other crap that just about finished it.
So I had another day shopping, and spent all day fighting the urge to act out.
I came home empty handed and was about to go for the online porn, but I got interupted.
Which brings us back to Sleepy's origional post, yeah - I feel crap so I masturbate, and I feel crap about that, so I masturbate.
Recently I've gotten the better of it, although days like today remind me.
But at one time my right arm was like Popeye's !