I'm not certain how to deal wih defensiveness, sinse it's something I get into myself on frequent occasions, especially when someone pays me a complement or, ---- in ultimate defense mode, when someone walks up to me on the street and attempts to grab hold of me in a misguided effort to "help" ---- I've become down right nasty on some of those occasions, which does indeed make me feel guilty, but the reaction is instant.
I admit though, that one is a bit vi specific, ---- and I wouldn't actually wish that experience upon anyone else.
as reguards your parents though, there is actually a problem.
My parents have both tried to be helpful, ---- especially considdering I didn't go into all the gorey details of the sa with them (it would just feel so wrong), they know roughly what happened and that is enough.
The problem has been, ---- particularly for my mum, realizing that no, this isn't something that is either quickly or easily fixed, or has an instant solution.
she did suggest one potential quick fix earlier on in my recovery, which I utterly refused, she tends to push around the hole relationship issue, ---- suggesting I do things that I'm not prepared to, and she's got very close to verging on the "pull yourself together" moments sometimes, particularly when I've had problems giving her a hug or accepting her saying something nice about me sinse, ---- as with almost all complements I dismiss it.
My dad has been a bit more relaxed about the hole thing, ---- and in fact it was him who suggested I start antidepressants. Then again, sinse he was a community psychiatric nurse before he retired, he's probably able to be much more objective about things anyway.
There have been points when I've literally asked both my parents to leave me alone, on my off days when i can't speak to anyone, and after some initial problems their both okay with that, but we stil occasionally run into issues.
I'm not sure about you Charley, but for me, recovery tends to be like learning something on my own which my parents have no experience of, ---- say playing the trumpit.
I go off alone and practice, I occasionally go out in public and try what I've learnt, and it can either go well or badly. Much as my parents would want to help, neither plays the instrument, so are simply left with the sounds coming from my room when i'm alone, and my disappointement or ilation when things work or not.
any suggestion they make is inevitably from a side line perspective, sinse ultimately, while they can sympathise with my ambition, they don't actually have any knolidge of what I'm physically doing.
this is just my thoughts and experience on the subject, of course, yours might well be different. Stil, i hope this was of some help.