hey charlie,

i've learned to have ocd and when i've noticed, i just would ask myself to just break away from the habit. one of the ways i have broken ocd was by asking myself, "where is my heart upon this issue?"

for example, i use to pray in the shower and asked god to wash me of the dirtiness i live with. sooner and later, i realized i was only forcing the issue and had to accept my disbelief. when i finally went to god about my pain and grief, i cried and realized i was just hurt. therefore, i have stopped and accepted what jesus christ did on the cross to wash away not just the sin of sexual abuse but all the other evils within me.

i have problems with my security as well. just like my abuser long ago who walked in my parents room to abuse me, i'm afraid that doors aren't locked in the house, cars, or anyone else that is suppose to be secure. sometimes, i will check it more than once. however, i have found peace with jesus christ when he says that the world and heaven may fall, but what he says will still happen. this has let me know that i cannot worry about the things i can't control and that if i make a mistake, its okay.

i dont worry about ocd, i just get paranoid sometimes. i dont think it controls my life. but the trauma within itself is an endless pain that i can't put into words how to face it. but i get strength in not being quiet any more. i get strength knowing my savior listens unlike anyone else and responds with open arms.

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nestor