I'm at a loss of what to do.....my dreams have taken a turn for the worse over the past several weeks.....i am being raped in every imaginable way in my dreams and i wake up and just feel so violated, so worthless.....it has gotten so bad i've tried to quit sleeping, i get in my car and drive all night so i do not have to go to sleep....I just cannot live through that dream again...................................

I went to a gun shop a few days ago to buy a gun, but i was flagged and had to wait three days to pick it up, but those 3 days are now past...I've driven by the gun shop a few times the last couple of days, but have yet to go in to pick up the gun...........

My new therapist threatened to put me in the hospital a few days ago, but i just cannot face going back there....i have not been there in 18 months.....except for my heart surgery.........

I just do not know what to do......guess my decision to stop taking anti-depressants was not a very good idea a few months ago.....did not realize i'd sink this LOW............michaelb