I have posted recently on the current state of my sexuality and I was seeing a girl with whom I engaged in sexual intercourse with. Shortly after I found myself filled with self hate and doubts about everything around me. I have researched the symptoms of clinical depression and I fit the bill quite perfectly right now. I exhibit the symptoms almost to the letter. I had to break it off with her and this is the third time I have had to do this for pretty much the same reasons. So now I am ready to witness my feelings instead of trying to prove myself for others. I decided to post my raw feelings on my facebook page last week and now speculation has begun at work on whether or not I am gay. Suddenly there are gay men adding me as a friend on this website and sending me private messages. I feel invaded and really angry about everything right now. I wish I could fade into the pasture where nobody will notice me, seems so much easier tthat way.
All this attention feels like a constant pull in one direction or another! Yes I don't where I am at sexually but that does not mean I have to be subjected to the non stop debate on something personal to me. Now this girl I love is not speaking to me, probably because I violated her trust on more than one occasion. I can't shake the negativity and I feel backed into a corner. I want to be left alone!!!!
I am the warrior.