I know I'm not supposed to write here 'cause I am a female survivor but I am experiencing a very similar thing with my boyfriend. He disclosed to me early and I just realized: me too. But he doesn't want to talk much, he's talked to me a hand full of times in two years. Now I want to talk for me and I am afraid that is going to be another problem. I can see how it affects him and one thing is with moving and another is with emotional closeness. I could be patient about the second and I can be patient about his readyness in general but I feel as though if he doesn't start to heal, he won't be able to handle moving and if he doesn't move and/or handle it well, we aren't going to be able to stay in a relationship from 2700 miles away...and I don't want that to happen. Is there a way to get him to let go of the control issue a little without confronting the entire situation? He doesn't think "he's fine" or it wasn't him or anything but he just simply isn't ready to really face it and I can respect that but I don't want to sit here alone forever while he decides he will be ok without exactly the same place and routine that he is used to. And it really frustrates me when I see a lot of this stuff that he "doesn't know why" as stemming from the abuse but I can't say it because that is one more way in which he feels he is "bad" or "ruined" instead of seeing it as something to work through and that doesn't have to be that way if he doesn't like it.

So, sorry for invading the guy board but friends and family just seem to have more questions and the other survivor boards are rarely a great avenue of advice about male survivors.