I have had similar experiences as to what you guys are talking about. I was manipulated into sex with a male friend and feel it changed my entire life. For a long time, i wondered if I was gay or not. I have battled with looking at gay porn sites and straight porn sites. I have found that I have an attraction to gay porn sites because of what happened to me. I also prefer straight sites, Maybe I am bi. However, i know I will never act out on the gay feelings and have no desire for it. I am a masculine looking guy, and have found most people to be intimidated by me, which was troubling for me because I had identity issues and only recently have figured it out that my size intimidates people. With that being said, I am intimidated by women. I am scared to talk to them lol, I am not a bad looking guy but I think the vibe I put out there scares them off.(nice guy vibe) I have few friends because I close myself off. I am still trying to cope with this 11 years after the incident. I have found that if you continue to concentrate on the important things in life, such as career, maintaining the family and friends you DO have, and your heatlh that you can live a fulfilling life even with whatever inner demons you have. I came on here a year ago and it really helped me. You dont have to identify yourself as gay or straight, enjoy your life. Whatever you like, a good dinner, a new video game. I have ran my whole life, 2 middle schools, 3 high schools, moved to 4 states in the past 6 years. I thought it was where I was that was bringing me down.. Its not, its who you are and what you do with your time that defines you. Don't waste it by drowning yourself with old emotions, talk it out with the people on here or a therapist. I am 23 years old, live in an amazing state (montana) and have begun to start loving my life again. I hope you can achieve the same, but let the feelings come, accept them and let them pass. You are not going to do a 180 and turn things around tomorrow. Its a gradual process and until you become more grounded in your life I wouldn't concern yourself with love or a partner. Like the old saying goes, If you are not happy with your own life, how can you make someone else happy? I hope this helps, This is my story on how I have turned things around. I am still not fully repaired but I am better than I was 4 years ago. Just keep on truckin!