I have completely gone off the idea of sex..... i do not like to be touched either. I want it, but the idea scares me.
I wanted to be able to date women and for a while i was on a singles dating site until i found out i was HIV+. I wish i did have a wife etc..... but i do not.
all i see are bug storm clouds on the horizon and they are slowly getting closer. I do not know how long i can hold myself together; everyday is difficult. Taking those drugs on time.
I do feel isolated because some people tend to judge you if you tell them you are HIV+. I recently told a friend at work via text because i could not do it face to face.
I will know on the 10th November if the drugs have donw what they are supposed to do - but having said that i have not been taking them properly and also stopped taking them all together.
I wish i could delete the pass. I have made friends with some of the other hiv+ people at the clinic but i hate it. it seems like an "hiv+" only club. the past is my future and i dont have one, as far as i am concerned.
i will carry on doing things but getting involved with someone will only do damage.
you dont see me. i am not really here. Its my fault.. all of it. I am to blame and no one else.