The Infero has put into words just what I feel about masulinity...Apalling...everything about it...sports, hunting, or whatever...hate it! I can relate to being asexual...after being raped for years, I became a biker for 15 years of staying drunk and high...not having any sex with anyone...not even one time! Was forced to stop biking...got married...then after 22 years and one kid later ..I start flashing. That's cool...made it thought 18 months of it ...then a month ago the flashbacks changed for the worst..Big Time!!! My mind wasn't showing me the pain which comes along with beig raped...so I felt bad about maybe liking it too much. Not now, I only have a few a week but they are a little too much to take...I feel so much pain that it makes me throw up. Now this puts me right back there...being a biker right after being raped for years...a lot more mean... then scared???? I feel jealous of gay men and anyone who knows their sex thing....the new found memories of my childhood have put me back at the begining...kind a hate everyone and everything. Masulinity to me, is the way they were...the older boys and men who raped me...I know that that sounds screwed up but that's the way it feels to me!!!!!

Eddie