Thank you for your replies. I write down when i take the drugs and sum the amount left so that i know when i will run out and have to get some more before that happens.

Part of me is hoping the drugs work and another part of me wants them to fail. I will continue to take them and if the virus mutates so that the drug no longer works i will take the others they have on offer.

It was a big step for me to start taking the drugs. I kept on putting it off and hoped that i could fight the virus myself. I know now that if i continued down this route my progression to AIDS would have been sooner - 2 to 3 years.

I still have intense anger and hatred within me i am trying to supress it, but it is so hard sometimes. A couple of weeks ago i made my friend cry. I felt nothing. I guess they are worried about me incase i stop taking the drugs.

I managed to repair the damage that i caused and apologised for my outburst.

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you dont see me. i am not really here. Its my fault.. all of it. I am to blame and no one else.