On 28 September 2001, I was kidnapped and raped by two men. During the attack I tried every thing to escape, and when that seemed not to work, I forced my head towards the pistol one of them were holding. For a small period of time I was left alone, and in that time all I could think of was all the dreams I still had to dream, of my loving wife and all the promisses we have made to each other. A calmness came over me that I still can not put into words. When the two men got back into the vehicle with me again, one of them pointed the pistol to my head, and asked "Do you want to die?".
What worried me for weks, and even now, is that I had to think of my answer!

How could it be that I had so little value to my own life that I would have rather died than to face any one and tell them that I was raped.

My answer to him was NO, please dont kill me. They then forced me to have oral sex with the two of them. They left me at the side of the road, after they poured feul all over me. I drovce to the nearest hospital and reported the rape, something that I never thought I would do. In the months that followed, I went from bad to worst. I did not come out of my house, I had no intention of speaking to any one.

It was only once I started thinking of suicide that I recalled the qeustion that man put to me, and my answer to him. There must be a reason why I chose to live that day. I had to change my attitude towards the rape, I had to realise that I was no longer lying in the back of a vehicle with my hands tied. I started telling people the truth if they asked me where I have been for so long, and it HELPED. I started talking to more and more people about the rape, and the more I talked, the better it made me feel. Once I started research on male rape I realised that I was not the only one, that there are 1000's just like me! This gave me a sence of reality, gave me something to live for, the fact that something had to be done to make people aware of this thing we call male rape.

I was in the right place at the right time(for a change) when I met a journelist and we started talking about the rape. This led to an article in a leading magazineand to an interview on national television.The responce was one I never thought possible. Soon I was in contact with men from my own country, men who have kept their rape secret, some for as long as 12-years!

Why were we all ashamed to say we were raped?
Because of all the stigmas about male rape!
I am lucky in that I have a loving wife and are in an envrioment where I am not judged.

We are busy putting together the basis for an organisation in South Africa that will be exclusively for the support and care of male rape survisors. I welcome any input that you might have on male rape, and what needs to be done.

Ivan