Dear Mogigo,

The "condition" of my love for my H is that it is "conditionless." I love my H in spite of the fact that there are times he CANNOT love me back. I choose to stay with him, because I LOVE HIM. I have excepted many years ago that this might not end well for me. He at any time can choose to go. I live with my H's issues, he has sexual identity issues, and has told me in the past he might be gay. Ok then if you are, there is nothing I can do. HE must live his life in a way that is best for him. I must live my life in a way that is best for me. Right now we are choosing to move foward together. Tomorrow that might be different.

I have to except what I can't change, and adapt accordingly to it. All this while taking care of our family, & household because he might be too disassociated to help, all without losing myself in the process. DO YOU THINK THIS IS EASY ON US? It's not.

In the many years I have known him, I have been the only constant in his life. I saw him through his first serious breakdown, even though he took it all out on me, I held him in my arms, when he woke up screaming from the nightmares, all before I knew. I held his hand when he disclosed to his family. I held him tight and listened to his pain when they all sided with his perp brother. I live with the day to day things that come up with this, he has tried to push me away many times, with his hurtful words and actions, I have sex with him whenever, and however he wants, I could go on,and on but I think you get my point. I DO ALL OF THIS INSPITE OF THE FACT THAT HE CAN END IT ALL TOMORROW by telling me he has chosen a diiferent path for himself. That is the risk I take. Are you going to say it is not unconditional?

Is it wrong of me to want a little of it back? I know his limitations, but for anyone to grow they have to sometimes take a giant leap foward and TRUST that you will be caught by the one who loves you. MY H knows I will never let him fall, and that makes a big difference for us.

I gave him the book because he thought we were fighting all the time, and did not see how we could be compatable. I look at life like everyone and everything is different. You do not have to agree with everything the other says, and that marriages go through different periods. HE LOVED THE BOOK. It gave him a chance to see nothing is always perfect, but the love can still remain.

As of today, my H loves me, but as you all know, tomorrow ask me again, the answer might be different. ONE DAY AT A TIME.

Lastly, I think that when someone says their partner deserves better than them, I don't think they love their partner more, it is a cop out, so they don't have to deal with their real feelings, whatever they may be.

Just my thoughts, NYDAISY


One last thought, is it fair that my love is constant,and he always knows where it is and can have it at any time, and we woman can't say the same thing.
WHO'S LOVE HAS CONDITIONS? NOT MINE