Jarrad,

I should be seeing someone of the 11th July and carry it on from there. I try and "accept" the HIV as part of me now - i dont know how else to cope with it.

I kept telling myself that its nothing , but in the end it became too much and on the day i was suppose to get the meds i fell apart. The doctor who i see at the clinic has advised me to see some psychologists there so that my mind can be in the right place when i get the meds.

I feel trapped thou. I had thought about camping/backpacking in one of the national parks - say yellowstone - prob next year now but i dont want to get turned away because of my status. So i will lie about what the meds are for. its the only way.

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you dont see me. i am not really here. Its my fault.. all of it. I am to blame and no one else.