hey duncan,
Sounds like you are in a funk. I don't know if this will help, but there are a lot of info on this site about coping, and depression.

http://www.thebody.com/index/mental/coping.html

I dont have any words of wisdom, other than, i've been there. I know it sucks. i know its scary. i know it totally makes you want to just fucking die and not deal with it. it seems easier that way. but check out the site. they might have some useful things for you.