4 registered (betrayed boy, Bardo, 2 invisible),
Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
#229618 - 06/08/08 12:10 AM
Re: loaded question
Loc: Washington State
Here is a copy of the guidelines and the link
What you should know about moderator's actions to keep this site safe.
It is not easy to moderate posts so that we do not get diverted from our discussion of survivor issues. Please be kind to moderators. We do our best to consult with each other and to avoid responding subjectively. Be patient with us and accept that our guiding principle is to keep the site safe and open to recovery issues for everyone. The primary goal for all of us should be to maintain Restraint and Respect.
We monitor all forums to prevent posts which contain:
-Threats of harm
-Explicitly suggestive sexual content
The Open Discussion Forum is for issues that might be triggering to others. Please read the Trigger Issues guidelines.
Off Site Contact
MS believes that persons newly arrived here are often vulnerable to acting out or being occasionally targeted.
We have gone to great effort to monitor this site and to provide an environment which will welcome survivors, many of whom have serious trust issues. While we can not guarantee complete safety here, we strongly recommend that you do not give out personal information or involve yourself with anyone you meet here by going off site, until you have gotten to know them for at least three months based on communications on site. It is not appropriate to invite new persons to converse off site since we have no way to monitor off site activity. It is equally not appropriate to bring off site issues between persons to this board.
While we can't control anyone's off-site activities, it is our policy to discourage it and to urge anyone beginning such communication to proceed with caution. We want each of you to be safe and to use the site in the best way possible for your recovery.
In the interest of keeping this site and it’s users safe from fraud, users establishing multiple accounts will not be allowed on the MaleSurvivor site. In cases where apparent multiple accounts appear, all such accounts will be blocked pending clarification of the situation. If this happens to you, please do not be offended or think that this means you have done something wrong or are under suspicion. All we are doing is verifying the situation for the sake of the security and safety of all of us.
We understand that in some circumstances there will continue to be cases where entirely legitimate use of the site will still give an impression of use of multiple accounts, for example, when a survivor and his partner are using the same computer. If you are approached about this we would appreciate your support and assistance in clarifying the matter. We are anxious to work with all of you to maintain your ability to access the site as safely and freely as possible.
We strongly recommend that you:
-Do not give your true legal name out to anyone who asks for it.
-Do not give out your personal email address to anyone here.
-Do not give anyone your home address, phone number or even the city you live in.
-Some well-meaning person may ask you to email him your picture. We ask that you do not do that.
PLEASE BRING YOUR CONCERNS TO A MODERATOR. If you feel a post is abusive or belongs in another forum, please report it to a moderator. If you receive a Private Message you believe is abusive or inappropriate, please contact an administrator and include a copy of the PM. Do not respond publicly if something is triggering you. It is best for you to bring your concerns directly to a moderator or administrator. Moderators will endeavor to keep information confidential. However, any issue that effects site administration or site safety is subject to sharing with the administration and moderator team.
Interim moving or closing of posts will occur in order to allow moderators to decide how to respond to a perceived problem – PLEASE ACCEPT A TEMPORARY MOVE OR CLOSING BY SUSPENDING FURTHER DISCUSSION. It is done to allow us time to consider the problem and determine how to deal with it. If it is made permanent, we will state that it is and explain our reasons. If a post is moved your responses to it can be continued at the new location.
PLEASE AVOID OVER REACTING. You can always direct your concerns to the Administration Team privately. But understand that all of us would rather be dealing with recovery issues than to be arguing about whether some choice we have made is politically correct. We are easily worn out by such stuff and it causes burn out. Accept that it is sometimes better to move on from a divisive issue and get back to our recovery.
DO NOT ATTEMPT TO DISCUSS MODERATOR ACTIONS PUBLICALLY – private messages to us about your concerns are appropriate – but also realize that we are not going to explain or sort out every issue or concern you may have – since none of us have the time or energy. We will try to consider all concerns where they further the safety of others and help us better do our job of monitoring this site.
Please remember that:
-There are issues that we cannot resolve here or that would be divisive to our process of recovery.
-If something posted appears to you to be triggering – do not respond publicly to it. Instead, private message a moderator with your concerns
-Moderators are not here as censors of politically correct thought
-Banning posts is a last resort so if something that you think is objectionable is left on the board make your comments privately but respect a moderator’s decision not to ban
-Moving a post to the Unmoderated Discussion Forum or closing discussion in a string of posts will result if we feel that it contains a potential trigger – PLEASE DO NOT CARRY THE DISCUSSION TO A NEW POST
Trigger Issues/Unmoderated Discussion Forum
Posts which trigger others cause conflicts which often divert us from our goal of discussing and sharing our recovery issues. They often cause others to react and sometimes respond in emotional ways which creates further controversy. Controversy can cause many of us, because our trauma experiences, to feel unsafe. Some who come here prefer not to deal with these controversies or potential triggers.
The UDF is for the discussion of any issues that may be triggering to others. It also is a place where frank discussion and pointed remarks reflecting disagreements with others would be allowed. We ask such posts be made in this forum. By posting trigger issues in a separate room in which we are forewarned and enter “at our own risk” it will be easier for us to freely choose to deal with it or not.
We will move to this forum discussions from other forums which, in our opinion, might be triggering. The Unmoderated Discussion Forum is for posting comments that might not be appropriate for other forums but the rules about threats or offensive posts are still in effect there.
Discussion of At Risk issues should be posted in the At Risk Forum.
Sometimes we post strongly expressed views out of emotion or because we are remembering past traumatic experiences. This can involve statements which feel like personal attacks. We recommend restraint and respect. However, often we may feel the need to say such things none the less. As long as these statements do not violate the guidelines in other ways, we will move them to the UDF rather than edit or delete them.
This forum has been provided to create a balance between our goal of having a site where there is the widest possible range of discussion and our need to ensure that members can avoid being confronted with posts that might be triggering or threaten their sense of safety here.
Sexual Identity Issues
The issue of how to deal with sexual identity including our homosexual feelings is extremely complex – and many of us hold strong views which conflict with views held by others. In order to keep this survivor's site safe and supportive we ask that trigger issues be discussed in the UDF
-Cultural and religious views about the origin or nature of one's sexual orientation
-The negative ways sexual minorities array(gay, lesbian, bi-sexual and transgendered folks) are portrayed, perceived and treated by others in society or by the law
-Dealing with feelings about our own or other's sexual orientation
Sexual Identity Issues
many of us hold strong views which conflict with views held by others. The Sexual Identity Issues Forum is the place to discuss confused feelings about sexuality and survivor behavior problems connected with sexual feelings:
-Sexual identity confusion
-Feelings about sexual attraction to other men
-Feelings of safety and trust
-Confusing sexual behaviors
-Acting out sexually – array(there is a special forum for this – “At Risk Forum”)
-It is often difficult to discuss these issues without sometimes touching on overtones of the Trigger Issues mentioned above. We will try to monitor for them and act appropriately.
A message to teenage survivors.
MaleSurvivor works very hard to make our site safe for everyone who comes here. This should be a place where you find yourself: believed, understood and helped. You will find yourself being helpful to others as well.
We ask you to help us keep the site SAFE FOR YOU! When you begin using the discussion board, you will be paired with a "buddy" from the moderating team. This Moderator will work closely with you and answer any questions you have about the guidelines or the site. It is important that you communicate regularly with your Mod Buddy.
To continue to be able to use our site you must NOT give any other site user any information that would allow off-site contact AND you will need to stay in touch with your assigned Moderator. Please read and be familiar with the Guidelines below.
-Do not give your true legal name, or any information such as personal email address, home address or phone number out to anyone but your Mod Buddy or an Administrator.
-Do not post links or refer others to different sites, including your personal site or other sites you use.
-Some well-meaning person may ask you to email him your picture. We ask that you do not do that.
-It is best to avoid private correspondence with users until you have been here for some time. Try to keep your interactions with members on the forums rather than Private Message until you have been using the site for six months. Please tell your Mod Buddy or an Administrator if you receive a private message array(PM) that you feel is inappropriate.
-If someone here says things that seems to be “coming on” to you, it would be best to report that to the Discussion board Administrator. Our moderators are instructed to ban anyone who acts or behaves inappropriately.
-Understand that all of us are at different places in our recovery journey. Respect where others are at.
-If our Discussion board is helpful please tell others. If something happened that bothered you please tell us
-The whole point of this Discussion board is, that it be a safe place for boys and men who have been sexually abused, to work on their journey to wellness. We do not take the place of a professional therapist. We are here as your brothers who have shared a similar experience and find help talking to others here.
At Risk Forum
The At Risk Forum is for survivors who have done inappropriate, harmful, or abusive behavior to others in their childhood or adolescence, or have acted out sexually through certain sexual behaviors, such as compulsive masturbation, promiscuous consensual relationships, internet pornography, book store acting out, etc. This is also for survivors who are experiencing feelings or thoughts of acting out sexually on another person.
Due to the sensitive nature of some of the discussions in At Risk, admission to post or read is by application to the moderator. You must be a paid member of MaleSurvivor array(limited scholarship funds are available for those who cannot afford membership) and the person must let Ken Singer know why he wants access. This information is confidential and will not be shared with anyone.
Ken Singer, LCSW
Enjoy being here. We are happy to have you with us.
Discussion Board Moderators
Lloydy, Administration Team
Thad, Administration Team
SAR, Adminstration Team
Ken Singer, LCSW
Types of Users on This Board:
New User - A newly registered user with less than 30 posts on the board.
Guest - A registered user with more than 30 posts on the board.
Member - A dues paying member of MaleSurvivor
Considering the real-time nature of the MS/NOMSV Discussion Board, it is impossible for us to review messages or confirm the validity of information posted. Please remember that we at MaleSurvivor are not responsible for any messages posted. We do not vouch for or warrant the accuracy, completeness or usefulness of any message, and are not responsible for the contents of any message. The messages express the views of the author of the message, not necessarily the views of MaleSurvivor or any entity associated with MaleSurvivor. Any user who feels that a posted message is objectionable is encouraged to contact us immediately by email. We have the ability to remove objectionable messages and we will make every effort to do so, within a reasonable time frame, if we determine that removal is necessary. This is a manual process, however, so please realize that we may not be able to remove or edit particular messages immediately.
You agree, through your use of this service, that you will not use the MS/NOMSV Discussion Board to post any material which is knowingly false and/or defamatory, inaccurate, abusive, vulgar, hateful, harassing, obscene, profane, sexually oriented, threatening, invasive of a person's privacy, or otherwise violative of any law. You agree not to post any copyrighted material unless the copyright is owned by you or by the MS/NOMSV Discussion Board.
MS/NOMSV reserve the right to delete any message for any or no reason whatsoever. You remain solely responsible for the content of your messages, and you agree to indemnify and hold harmless this MS/NOMSV, Madrona Park, Inc. array(the makers of the discussion board software), and their agents with respect to any claim based upon transmission of your messagearray(s).
MS/NOMSV also reserves the right to reveal your identity array(or whatever information we know about you) in the event of a complaint or legal action arising from any message posted by you.
Please note that advertisements, chain letters, pyramid schemes, and solicitations are inappropriate on the MS/NOMSV Discussion Board. Multiple Accounts: In the interest of keeping this site and it’s users safe from fraud, users establishing multiple accounts will not be allowed on the MaleSurvivor site. In cases where apparent multiple accounts appear, all such accounts will be blocked pending clarification of the situation. If this happens to you, please do not be offended or think that this means you have done something wrong or are under suspicion. All we are doing is verifying the situation for the sake of the security and safety of all of us. We understand that in some circumstances there will continue to be cases where entirely legitimate use of the site will still give an impression of use of multiple accounts, for example, when a survivor and his partner are using the same computer. If you are approached about this we would appreciate your support and assistance in clarifying the matter. We are anxious to work with all of you to maintain your ability to access the site as safely and freely as possible.