I have struggled with penis fixation for such a long time that I really thought I was the only one. Thank you for allowing me to share this journey with other men who know what a struggle this really is. I'm not gay, nor do I desire to be, but the fixation with the male body is overwhelming at times. I'm beginning to understand that it's not the fixation that I struggle with, but the reason I do it. It's because no matter what I do, I don't feel normal and if I don't feel normal then I must not be and if I must not be what good am I. My abuser told me for so long it was my fault that the false guilt makes me feel different. So, I guess I'm really looking so I see that I'm no different, but that is the problem, no matter how many sneak peaks I take, when I look in a mirrow, I still feel different. I'm in great physical shape, I run at least 5 miles a day, have six pack abs, but it's not enough. What can I do to break this distructive cycle?