Thank you guys, I have felt alone and different for a very long time. I was real hesitant on writing about this, and I am glad I did. I can honestly say that after writing it, and before I got to read your responses* I was starting to feel better. I didnt even mean to but was flirting with a girl at a store lol. I found my attraction to women creeping back again.. it was weird... I think having this bottled up for so long, and letting other people see it really helped me. You guys are great and real supportive, I was reading some of the other posts and decided to give it a shot. I just remember feeling weird, and became mute in large circles, always talking serious to people, not letting myself succeed, became anti social but worst of all, not enjoying myself. I may have wasted a good chunk of my youth dwelling on this, but there was no way I was going to let anyone know. Alot of it started when I went into high school, and especially when I started smoking pot. I have had other issues, like having to throw my dad out of the house with my mom because he was an alcoholic *functional alcoholic and not abusive* Just very self destructive, 3 months later he had a heart attack. I started my pot habit by stealing my dads pot when he would pass out drunk... I became sort of addicted where it escalated to harder drugs. I have had more bad experiences than good it seems like. I have alot of wisdom and common sense but that wisdom applies to other people not myself. I could always help others but never myself. I also focused on other peoples lives more than my own, and ended up talking behind peoples backs and ruined some friendships that way. I think my truest feelings came out when I wrote this..and it felt gooooood. I swear it was one of the best feelings I have experienced*better than all those drugs*. I was super excited to see what you guys would write after working all day, a little nervous as well but much better than I anticipated. It really is nice to know that you are not alone and I wasnt judged horribly or scorned. I can honestly say that I am not cured and not trying to make this seem like I am 100% fixed... but I feel a little better. I think thats a good start. I am completely thankful you guys took the time to reading my post and responding. This was very therapeutic, again I applaud your good nature.