On several occasions I find myself feeling really frustrated. not only are their beliefs and idea which however hard I hit them, however much I try to work through them just reffuse to be beaten, but then there are things which I thought I'd got passed which come back and bite me as well.
I'm having a raging war with this deep seated belief I have that I'm so worthless it's utterly impossible for anyone to have feelings for me. I know where the idea's from, I recognize it's implications, I charge streight at it by getting my family and friendds to dscribe me honestly, and honestly taking their complements even though it's agony, and stil this stupid idea persists!
then, there are things I think I've already conquered that seem to come back and hit me, even though I thought I'd dealt with them.
one of these is the thought "what am I doing? why am I letting my teenaged years have this affect on me? what happened to that productive undergraduate who thought he was fine?"
I thought I'd dealt with this one, thought i'd fully recognized and accepted the fact that even as an undergraduate, I most deffinately wasn't fine, and telling myself I was didn't help the situation, but stil this mmorning I saw a picture of myself as a pathetic attention seaking hyperchondryac, making a huge fuss about nothing, dwelling on a few bad things in the passed as an excuse to get sympathy and avoid working, and when it came down to it I was absolutely fine really and should just get on with things.
I charged at this idea, remembered my panick attacks, my fear of the S word, my days of depression even as an undergrad and now I'm passed it, but I thought I'd dealt with this one, thought it was finished and I could move on!
when are these negative concepts truly dealt with? When can we move forward? I know recovery is a slow process, but I've always thought of it as a journey, right now it seems more like one of those whack the monster arcade games where everytime you smack one monster with your hammer, another one just pops up to take it's place and so it goes on and on!
Why can't I really make progress?
I'm really sorry about the wrant, and for cluttering up the forum with yet more posts, but I'd really appreciate someone's thoughts on this matter.