I thank you for sharing. I went on chat this week to get some answers, but was being told if I'm fixated on a penis - I must be gay.

I find that I especially look at or search for the same type of penis that abused me. When I see it, I feel like I must be with that person as often as possible, to guard myself OR to just do the oral act and get it over with. It doesn't happen with every penis I see....I mean I always look, but if it isn't like my abusers, I don't care.

Does that make sense?