Thanks for replying guys. Still with me this morning... the memories, I mean.
Yes, David, he (my stepdad) was my abuser as well. And the humiliation in front of others I think was, as you said, for control. Sort of a way to make me not tell maybe? If he was doing this in front of them, then they must know about the other stuff, it must be normal for him to do that, thereby ensuring that I wouldn't say anything? I don't know. I'm sorry you had to endure humiliation in front of others, but thank you for talking about it here. It helps so much.
And Mikey, I am sorry that you had do endure physical violence to that extent. It really does a number on the self-worth, no? Mine was usually just spanking and the belt, but it seemed (in my mind anyway) that it happened all the time, that I could never do anything right, that I deserved it, etc. No, it didn't help that he incorporated some of the SA with the physical punishments. Even the SA that I do remember without punishments was violent, forced, and used as a tool of punishment in my opinion.
Brett - I hope to get to the point of really believing that all of this was wrong.
Again, sorry to ramble, but after bringing them up yesterday, these images just won't go away.
"Even though I know/I donít want to know/Yeah I guess I know/I just hate how it sounds"