Hi Everyone. I'm in need of some advice and after reading some of the posts here I feel that someone can help me. Here's my story.
My husband & I have been married for 3 years, and we have an 18 month old daughter. He’s 23, I’m 25. About 2 years ago we started to have problems. We were constantly fighting, he was constantly angry and hardly ever spoke. After months of feeling down and depressed due to his actions, I decided to ask him for a divorce. He left a few days before Christmas, on my birthday. The next day he came to the house after work to talk to me. He informed me that he was sexually abused by 2 different men. The first incident happened once. The other was his uncle, and it went on for a period of 9 years. At first I was so shocked and upset that someone could do that to him, I just cried and told him that I loved him. After 2 days of processing all of this information, he started to go into full details of what happened. I was fine with it all, offering support, telling him that it wasn’t his fault etc. It wasn't until he told me where he had stayed the night he left that shocked me. He had stayed at his uncles house. I was completely horrified. Then he told me that he used to go there just for his uncle to abuse him. After it would happen he would threaten his uncle and make him buy him things like cars, dirt bikes etc. The other day he said to me that he still thinks about going there a lot. Is this typical behavior of a survivor? This is killing me inside.
This is the part that I am very confused about. He is in the process of speaking with the police to report his uncle. He says that he is ready to deal with this now, because as soon as he tells the police everything will be fixed and he can just close the door on it. I told him about this site and how I’ve learned so much already, and he said that he doesn’t need to talk about it & that he will be fine. Seriously, I think that he is in denial. I have done a lot of reading and even speaking to my therapist about it, and I know that the recovery process is a long one. Do you think that it is possible that once he “gets it out” he will be fine, or is that just & wishful thinking?
After a lot of thinking I told him that if he wants to stay married that he must go to therapy. Was this the right thing to do? I don’t want to force him, but at the same time, I cannot go back to the old “us”. Please someone just help me out here. I love my husband with all of my heart and soul, and would die for him. I tell him this everyday, and today he finally said that he is ready to deal with this because he truly feels loved and that we have an unbreakable bond. My heart is just hearting for him, me & our daughter right now. Thank you everyone for this site!