i cam home tonight in a real bad mood after working all day with my uncle.It does not take much to set me off,emotionally,so i brought home a keyboard for the computer and she was in no way excited and made a comment "why did you bring it home we dont need one" ....thats all it took (this was about 4 hours ago and we've said very few words since)i then got real fuckin irritated and then i had to sit and stew over how i'd pick a fight in any way with her possible.
She didn't take the bait for a second nor did she even say anything,what little she did say however,enough to piss me off even more to sabotage our life together wasn't worth it or enough to cause more anger.
My therapist tells me i have the typical "trauma repsonse" where i go from her making an innocent comment about a keyboard we didnt need right to her testing my patience therefore pick a fight.
Whats this all about i know she does not deserve this yet i still look for a way to lash out on her...am i making any sense,am i justified in feeling disaapointed or am i making this bigger then it is...although feeling the way i did (still do) it changes nothing asfar as also feeling rejected.
I'm pretty tired all the time after i work with my uncle and although the money is good (i'm on disability from the military and social security disablity) lisa believe i am on disability because im in no shape to work and when i do it takes alot out of me and i am a fuckin bear( she tells me this all the time)....anyway i need some perspective...otherwise i'll keep acting like the little boy who felt disappointed and cant let it go....a simple comment can set me off therefore anyone in my life (the ones i love the most lisa especially) pays the price for my childishness....
" You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have "