I am struggling with understanding after my abuse at the hands of a priest. I had always gone to church and until I was 12 and my abuse started I felt safe in Church and felt I had a friend in Jesus.
Between 12 and 15 I was abuse severly at the hands of a priest during bible class and some other occasions. I felt betrayed by the priest, by the church, my parents who wouldn't believe that a man of god would harm anyone, and lastly most importantly by God. How could a loving, caring and forgiving god let this thing happen.
I have tried suicide on a number of occasions to try and get rid of the pain, but have not been successful.
Recently I told my wife that I still had questions about god, while I still believe that there is a god and that he is my savior, I can not understand how he let what happen happen. My wife who is a christian and very committed to her faith, said that because I am questioning god and trying to understand what has happened, tells me that I am a non believer and don't have christian values. I desperately want to understand and be a fully committed christian and have a christian marriage.
I feel very empty and very confused. I know that my coping skills have been distructive, but I just wish that I could trust god and feel I am a worthy person, not this broken shell that I live in and that my wife and family see.
"the only limit to what can be achieved is our own imagination" Albert Eienstien